Know that the contract of the Oath of Clasped Hands is a bond between two Kithain. Like the contract of the Oath of Truehearts gives rise to certain duties which must be fulfilled when it is entered into, so does the contract of the Oath of Clasped Hands confer upon your friend a certain right touching your property, your person, your tongue and your heart - by way of forgiveness, sincerity, loyalty, relief and considerateness.
In all, this comprises seven duties:
The first duty is the material one.
Daeron of House Gwydion said: Two friends are likened to a pair of
hands, one of which washes the other.
He chose the simile of the two hands, rather than the hand and the foot, because the pair are of mutual assistance towards a single aim. So it is with two friends; their frienship is only complete when they are comrades in a single enterprise. In a sense the two are like one person. This entails a common participation in good fortune and bad, a partnership in the future as in the present moment, an abandonment of possessiveness and selfishness. In thus sharing one's property with one's brother there are three degrees.
The lowest degree is where you place your friend on the same footing as your slave or your servant, attending to its need from your surplus. Some need befalls it when you have more than you require to satisfy your own, so you give spontaneously, not obliging it to ask. To oblige it to ask is the ultimate shortcoming in friendly duty.
At the second degree you place your friend on the same footing as yourself. You are content to have it as partner in your property and to treat it like yourself, to the point of letting it share it equally.
At the third degree, the highest of all, you prefer your friend to yourself and set its need before your own.
The second duty is to render personal aid in the satisfaction of needs, attending to them without waiting to be asked, and giving them priority over private needs.
Here too there are different degrees, as in the case of material support.
The lowest degree consists in attending to the need when asked and when in plenty, though with joy and cheerfulness, showing pleasure and gratitude.
Your friend's need ought to be like your own, or even more important than your own. You should be on watch for times of need, not neglecting its situation any more than you would your own. You should see that it does not have to ask, nor to reveal its need to appeal for help. Rather should you attend to it as if you did not know that you had done so. You should not see yourself as having earned any right by virtue of what you have done, but rather count it a blessing that it accepts your effort on its behalf and your attention to its affair. You should not confine yourself to satisfying its need, but try from the start to be even more generous.
The third duty concerns the tongue, which should sometimes be silent and at other times speak out.
As for silence, the tongue should not mention a friend's faults in its absence or its presence. Rather should you feign ignorance. You should not contradict it when it talks, nor dispute nor argue with it. You should not pry and quiz it about its affairs. On seeing it about some business, you should not start a conversation about the object of your coming and going, nor ask it about its, for perhaps it will be troublesome to it to discuss it, or it may have to lie about it.
Keep silent also about the secrets it confides in you, and on no account divulge them to a third party - not even to its closest friends. Do not reveal anything about them, not even after separation and estrangement, for to do so would be meanness of character and impurity of the Inner.
Keep silent from criticism of its dear ones; also from relating other people's criticism of it, for it is your informant who directly abuses you.
Of course you should not hide any praise you may hear, for the pleasure in it is received directly from the conveyor of the compliment as well as indirectly from the original source. Concealment here would mean envy.
In short you should keep silent about any speech unpleasant to him in general and in particular - unless obliged to speak out to promote good and prevent evil, and even then only if you can find no valid excuse for saying nothing. In such cases you need not worry about its disapproval, since what you do is beneficial to it when rightly understood, even if it looks bad at first sight.
Just as it is incumbent upon you to hold your tongue from mentioning its misdeeds, so ought you to observe silence in your heart. This is done by giving up suspicions, for suspicions constitute slander in the heart, which is also unlawful. Keep within the bounds by not putting a bad construction on its action, so long as you can see it in a good light. As for what is revealed unmistakably and before your very eyes, so that it is impossible for you not to know about it, you should if possible ascribe what you witness to absent-mindedness and forgetfulness.
Part of the matter is keeping quiet, and not divulging a friend's secret which it has entrusted to you. You should deny knowledge of it, even if this means lying, for to speak the truth is not incumbent in every circumstance. Just as it is permitted to a Sidhe to hide its own faults and secrets, even if it needs to lie, so may it do for its friend's sake. For its friend stands in its own shoes and the pair are like one person, different only in body. This is the true nature of friendship.
Furthermore, in what one does in one's friend's presence one should not be hypocritical, nor abandon one's private for one's public behaviour. For your friend's knowledge of what you do is like your own knowledge of it, without distinction.
Silence includes abstaining from contention and contradiction whatever your friend talks about.
While it is its duty to give it up if it is in the wrong, the reward for what is above duty is made greater. For to remain silent when one is right is harder on the soul than keeping quiet when one is wrong. Recompense is in proportion to the effort.
The most serious causes that fan the fire of rancour between friends are contention and disputation. These are the very essence of variance and rupture. For rupture starts off with opinions, then becomes verbal and finally physical.
The worst disgrace is contention, for if you reject what another says you accuse it of ignorance and stupidity, or of forgetfulness and absent-mindedness in understanding its subject. All this constitutes disgrace, annoyance and alienation.
In general the only motive for contention is to display intellectual superiority and to belittle one's opponent by showing up its ignorance. This amounts to arrogance, contempt, hurtfulness, and the insulting charge of folly and ignorance. There is no meaning to enmity but this, so what part can it have in true friendship?
The fourth duty is to use the tongue for speaking out.
Just as friendship calls for silence about unpleasant things, so it requires the utterance of favourable things. You wish for friends so as to benefit by them, not just to escape being hurt by them, and the point of silence is to avoid hurt.
You should use the tongue to express affection to your friend, and to enquire agreeably about its circumstances. Thus you should indicate by word and deed that you disapprove of all circumstances that are disagreeable to it, and use your tongue to let it know that you share its joy in all conditions that give it pleasure. For friendship means participating together in joy and sadness.
Part of the matter is praising it for the good qualities you know it to possess, in the presence of one before whom it would choose to be praised.
More fundamental is that you communicate to it the praise of anyone who praises it, showing your pleasure, for to hide such praise would be pure envy.
Furthermore, you should thank it for what it does on your behalf, indeed for its very intention even if it does not succeed completely.
What is even more potent is defending it in its absence whenever it is abused or its honour impugned, explicitly or by innuendo. Friendship calls for briskness in protection and aid, for rebuking the fault-finder and addressing it harshly. Not to speak out here disturbs the breast and alienates the heart. It is a shortcoming in fulfilling the duty of friendship.
There are two measures you can apply.
In the first case, when something is said about your friend, you consider what you would want it to reply on your behalf, if the same were said of you in its presence; then you must deal accordingly with the impugner of its honour.
In the second case, you suppose that it is present behind a wall, listening to your words, but thinking that you are unaware of its presence. Ask yourself how your heart would be moved to help it when you were in its hearing and sight, for so it should be in its absence.
The fifth duty is forgiveness of mistakes and failings.
The sixth duty is loyalty and sincerity.
The meaning of loyalty is steadfastness in love and maintining it to the death with your friend. If it is severed before death the work is in vain and the effort wasted. And indeed, many will seek out their friends in new incarnations.
Loyalty to the friend includes consideration towards all its fellows, kin and dependants. To consider these is a greater duty in the heart of a fellow than to consider the friend itself, for its joy in care for those dependent on it is greater. Nothing proves the strength of compassion and love so much as when these carry over from the loved one to all its dependants. Even the dog at its gate should be distinguished in your heart from all other dogs!
The seventh duty is relief from discomfort and inconvenience.
You should not discomfort your friend with things that are awkward for it. Rather should you ease its heart of its cares and needs, and spare it having to assume any of your burdens.